The holiday season is in full swing, and with the better part of the world completely preoccupied (ok, obsessed) with sharing personal photos and videos online, the new front runner for seasonal social media trend is posting pics of children crying hysterically in terror on Santa’s lap. Now, I’ll readily admit that my knee-jerk reaction is a quick giggle or even a snort, and it’s easy to see why parents and grandparents are more than thrilled to blast these gems out into the world, but there’s a deeper and more sinister consequence to this bizarre time-honored tradition than just embarrassing kids once they become teenagers. It’s time to rethink forcing kids on Santa’s lap.
If you’re good and sit on this strange man’s lap you’ll get gifts!
It’s strange to really comprehend when you break it down, but it’s as if the presence of a red suit with fluffy white trim, patent leather belt, droopy stocking cap, long white beard, and spectacles completely negates the reality that parents are forcing children, against their will, to sit on the lap of a complete and utter stranger. Take away the costume and the sparkly tree and you have an unknown man in a mall who is promising gifts in exchange for a child being “good,” which really means “compliant.”
Just because it’s tradition and culturally accepted doesn’t meant that it’s good.
See a problem with this? I do. And before you get defensive, understand that I’m not messing with Christmas. I love the Grinch, but I’m not one. The only point I’m making is that just because something is a tradition and culturally accepted doesn’t mean that it’s above being deconstructed and analyzed. I’m simply asking you to use a fresh and unbiased set of eyes to look at the repercussions of forcing, cajoling, bribing, or tricking your kids to sit on Santa’s lap when they’ve made it clear they don’t want to.
It’s vital that we respect the communicated personal boundaries of children.
Those of us in the self-defense, safety, and protection profession work very hard to educate kids and adults on how to recognize, establish, and communicate personal boundaries. It’s one of the most valuable safety skills a personal can have, and a tricky one to employ effectively if you haven’t been specifically trained to do so. Kids express fear and uncertainty in a myriad of ways depending on their age: crying, screaming, hiding, asking to be picked up, gluing themselves to a parent’s leg, running away. While anxiety and paranoia aren’t traits we want to encourage, justified fear and uncertainty are. Consoling a child is important for parents to do, but it’s also important that their concerns aren’t brushed off as silly or inconsequential. “I’m here for you,” is a very different message than, “Don’t be scared, that’s silly.”
If a child is hesitant, fearful, or scared of having close physical contact with an unknown person, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, in fact, I’d argue that it’s a good thing. But what is dangerous for the wellbeing of a child from a safety standpoint is when they express a need to maintain personal space from a stranger, but those boundaries are ignored or invalidated by a parent. The message being delivered when a parent forces a child to sit on Santa’s lap when they’ve made it clear they don’t want to is: (a) your personal boundaries aren’t valid or they are silly and unsubstantiated, (b) your personal boundaries aren’t important to respect and adhere to.
Before you pick up the smartphone to snap that weepy-eyed photo-op…
If your child can’t wait to hop up on Santa’s lap and share his or her wish list, then great! But Christmas doesn’t exist in a vacuum, although sometimes the month of December can feel like a black hole. There are no freebie days when it comes to raising kids, and every experience has the potential to shape your child. So before you pick up the smartphone and snap that weepy-eyed photo-op, take a moment to really think about the message you’re delivering.
Offer options that respect boundaries but still make for good pics.
Consider offering your child the option of standing next to or in front of Santa, instead of sitting on his lap. Your child might be more inclined to participate, you’ll still get your photo, and you’ll have listened to, acknowledged, and respected your child’s personal boundaries.
Photo Credit: Rachel Gardner
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